This is my Vietnam
by Rupert-the-teddy
Summary: Clarice Starling goes to save Doctor Lecter from muskrat farm and is shot in the leg by an arrow from a crossbow, Lecter takes Clarice to his home and surgically removes the arrow leaving her doped up on painkillers and saying things that make a lot of sense and no sense at all, he is determined to keep her with him until her leg heals and she isn't taking that lying down. Funny


Dedicated to my bestie Ayla who put up with my sleep deprived insanity at 2:30 this morning and watched Rizzoli & Isles crack videos on YouTube until 6:30.

The sassy thoughts of starling I wrote and read in your voice Ayla you bitchy queen :p

Verger Estate

Gun aimed low, newly suspended Agent Clarice Starling of the F.B.I, moves quickly through the tall dry grass, the setting sun beating down on her back, giving everything it touches a beautiful golden hue. She approaches the old rundown barn at the far end of the Verger Estate.

The intestines of the building groan with protest, as the wind bites and tears at the splintering wood of support beams and rusted tin roofing.

'Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in, or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in'

Keeping her back to the wall, Starling cautiously wanders through the barn, her feet criss crossing left over right, right over left, her back hunched slightly as her arms extend toward the dirt covered ground. A high pitched squeal rings in her ears threatening to burst through the protection of her eardrums and make her drop her gun to clutch her head in agony, the scream sounds like a terrified child, 'they were slaughtering the springs lambs? ... and they were screaming'. The fading echo of her childhood flies away, 'fly, fly, fly little Starling'.

"Can I just have thirty seconds alone in my head without you disturbing it, doctor?" Clarice whispers to herself in annoyance, 'tick tock, tick tock' a metallic voice mocks from the deep recesses of her memory. Groaning with exasperation,Starling trudges forward following the agonising pained shrieks of a man slowly falling into an early grave, she turns left around a corner and is faced with a large wooden gateway.

Sliding the heavy gate aside, hinges digging their claws into the dark wood to prevent silent access, Clarice enters the large pen which in itself looks more like an arena, she can see clearly Doctor Hannibal Lecter tied to a crucifix suspended by a forklift, keeping her eyes on Doctor Lecter, Clarice rushes toward him.

She doesn't hear anything, not the explosion of a bullet launching from the barrel of a gun, she doesn't smell the copper aroma of blood, she doesn't feel the bullet as it rips through her skull, she doesn't see parts of her brain spill forth onto the muddy ground, she doesn't taste dirt as she falls limp to the ground.

'Click' "your dead Starling, where's your danger area?"

"The corner."

"Did you check?"

"No sir."

"That's why you're dead"

Turning her eyes from Doctor Lecter, Clarice keeps her back against the outside of the doorway, swinging around she shoots the stocky man in the corner, his pistol falls limply beside his lifeless body, Starling whips around and aims her gun at the tall thin man standing motionless, his gaze locked on his brother's tense face and lifeless eyes.

"Down on your stomach!" Starling orders, cuffing his left wrist to his deceased brother's right. The wooden pen constricts as man eating bores scream, the smell of blood tempting the beasts. Starling hears rustling coming from the hay loft overhead, squinting she see's a third man crouched behind a large steel fan, firing her weapon she hits the man in the chest, a stray bullet ricochets burning through the flesh of her left shoulder, enough to hurt like a bitch but not enough to incapacitate her.

"Hello Clarice, just like old times" Doctor Lecter smirks, craning his neck to get a better look at her.

"Shut up" she replies unimpressed, keeping her gun aimed at his chest as she winces in discomfort, "I'm gonna cut you loose, If you touch me! I'll shoot you, Do right and you'll live through this!" Starling warns as she procures her knife and starts severing the leather straps holding him in place.

"Spoken like a true Protestant" Lecter quips, inhaling the scent of blood and burnt flesh which seems sweeter on her then any expensive French perfume.

Starling finishes cutting the strap of his left arm in annoyed silence, an unnoticeable smirk appears on her face as her knife slips minutely against his skin tearing and leaving a distorted stain of quickly coagulating blood.

"Oops, sorry" she says with the same amount of sincerity one would get from a bull shark as it chowed down on their leg.

'Perhaps it is best not to antagonise a lioness who's grown into her claws' thought Doctor Lecter as he let out a chuckle

"Things might go faster if you hand me the knife" he said outstretching his hand to her, she eyes it with apprehension 'Are you SERIOUSLY considering giving a god damn serial killer a weapon?! What the Hell is wrong with you?! I swear girl if you hand over that knife I'll give us a stroke!' Starling thinks one second before quickly reaching out, the knife millimetres from his palm.

'Don't. Do. It! I'll drop you, right here, I mean it!' , 'But he's right, he's effective with a blade, the sooner he's cut loose the sooner we can get outta here' , 'congratulations Starling, you are now eligible for desperate housewives, serial killer edition'

Lecter watches the internal war rage through Clarice in her moment of hesitation before she deposits the knife into his hand, keeping her gun aimed at his chest as she scans for various hiding places in the barnyard arena.

"There was another in the hayloft" he supplies helpfully as he slices through the leather binding him to the forklift.

Starling hurriedly looks up at the loft above her where the third man lay bleeding out with a pulse one beat above clinically dead.

"No Clarice, behind me" Doctor Lecter says casually

Peering into the pile of hay behind Lecter, Clarice spots movement behind a bowed support beam, launching out into clear ground, Clarice fires four shots all hitting their fleshy target as a thin rusted arrow from a crossbow imbeds itself into the middle of her right thigh.

"FUCK!" Starling screams, collapsing on the dirt covered ground, her glock 9mm flinging from her hand as the wooden gates of the pen bend and creak, starving boars shoving themselves in a scene like mass panic.

Hannibal Lecter rips through the final bond and jumps from the forklift, standing over Starling he bends down and picks up her gun, tucking it into the waistline at the back of his pants, he then places one arm under her shoulders and one under her knees being mindful of the arrow protruding from her tender flesh and the gun powder burnt skin on her shoulder.

Lecter holds Clarice in his arms as carnivores boars circle and sniff at his feet drawn in by the smell of her blood. Horrid high pitched screams of agony claw through the live Sardinian's throat as he is devoured along with his deceased brother.

Doctor Lecter glances down at Clarice, her head lolling to one side before falling back towards him and burrowing into his chest as she loses consciousness, he smiles slightly beneath his mask and walks towards the exit.

"Cordell Shhoot him, Get the gun and Sshoot him!" Mason Verger demanded fearfully through a lipless mouth

"Go into the pen? No I'm staying out of this" said Cordell shakily

"You're involved is what you are in all of it! Now do it!" Mason rasped in anger and fear

"Hey Cordell! Why don't you push him in? You can always say it was me" Doctor Lecter suggested slyly

Hannibal turned and walked through the large exit carrying Clarice further and further from the screams of death that would no doubt mingle with the screaming of the lambs already in her memory.

Waking briefly in the passenger seat of her car, starling sees Doctor Lecter driving well above the speed limit on a desolate back road in amongst trees and hillsides, his demeanour is focused with slight worry as he glances over at her.

Falling back out of consciousness Starling slumps in her seat, only awakening when she feels cold liquid being splashed across her leg and the pull of skin and muscle as the metal arrow is methodically lifted from her thigh.

Letting out an uncomfortable cry, Clarice feels an extremely cold pressure in her arm then a light floating feeling in her head as all pain flutters away and she falls from reality into a bizarre dream filled sleep.

Doctor Lecter removes the 10 gage syringe from the IV line in her vein and continues to work on suturing her leg with 14 internal stitches and 23 external stitches. After 5 hours of cleaning out and repairing her wounds, Doctor Lecter cleans up the surgical equipment and the blood and betadine soaked towels.

Covering Clarice with a clean blanket, Hannibal sits in the armchair beside the bed and monitors her condition thoughtfully, glad that the arrow had missed the femur but concerned about the risk of tetanus, he will venture to the hospital once his patient is out of imminent danger to procure a tetanus injection for her.

Clarice wakes to something cold being placed under her armpit "whys everything so damn cold at the hopsital?" She rasps out high as a kite as Doctor Lecter removed the thermometer from her armpit, chuckling Lecter replied "because inanimate objects do not retain heat and many medical utensils are constructed out of metal to ensure the longevity of their use"

"Oh yeah, longiteveny and hot medical people and Doctor McDreamy in a canoe for the teapot" Clarice stated with conviction

"Beg your pardon, I'm afraid you've lost me, my dear?" Hannibal responded confused by the words Clarice had just put together in order to try and make a sentence

"Ya know! About with the blue fuckers reckon artsy is homo and your own clannibal will ship coz of Disney, ya know? Don't cha get it? people will say we're in lambs and you can eat me out" she answered

"Excuse Me!?" He asked indignantly

"Coz you don't like mashed tater in the doorway so you can eat my lizard with some fava bees and a rice key smarty. Don't eat my shorts, you wouldn't neither coz your not chicken enough to go through wife it. Don't be worry happy, you can marrynade me. HANNIBAL BEE MY FUCKING HUSBAND!" Clarice screamed giggling madly

"... okay? I think perhaps you should get some rest" Lecter pulled the covers further up Starlings body and switched off the bedside light, standing he walked to the door and turned around to glance at Clarice who was halfway between falling asleep and laughing like a truly insane person.

Chuckling to himself, Hannibal walked down the corridor to his bedroom wondering how infuriated Clarice would be to learn that she had more or less proposed marriage to a cannibalistic criminally insane serial killer.

'I'll have to tell her that I accept her offer in the morning, perhaps I'll give her a polite kiss on the cheek when I serve her breakfast just as my father used to give my mother, what fun her reaction will be, injury or not I will no doubt be rewarded with a fist to the nose for my romantic gesture' Lecter thought smirking as he imagined different ways to interfere with her thought process and cause that rage filled death to you blush that slithered up her neck and caused her to tremble.

I will actually write more then one chapter for this which is a first! I have no idea what I'm doing I make it up as I go, I'm open to suggestions though.

Thinking maybe starling has a few failed escape attempts and is her defiant quick witted self who wants to make life hell for Lecter because he won't let her leave until her leg heals and he's just his annoyingly cocky thinking two steps ahead and so amused by clarices antics self who is wondering what it will take to get her to admit what he already knows.

And I know that there are probably a kajillion little grammar mistakes in this but I want future high school teacher Ayla's eye to twitch.


End file.
